An Exploration of Acceptance – Through the Heart of a New Born
Gentle and empowered childbirth lays the foundational, neurological tracks for a mama and her baby. A mother who is honoured and who’s birth place is sacred and treated as sacred creates an opportunity for a phenomenon that opens her up to the secrets of creation. Here is one mama’s recollection of one of these moments.
My intuition tells me, that it’s not so much what a mama is doing during this time, although there are many, many things she can do (such as meditation, contemplation, connecting with nature, stretching, treating herself like a goddess, the best nutrition etc) as well as several birthing options that can make her feel more empowered (like home birth, continuity of care, birthing plans, birthing spaces etc)… However none of these ‘ensure’ anything, and not doing any of them wouldn’t necessarily mean that her birth process wasn’t empowering.
What’s more important than all of these wonderful tools – is the way she is be-ing – the quality of action and consciousness within her choices. How does she feel? What questions is she ‘putting out there’? What are her priorities and how prepared is she to stand by them and also to let them go? Is she open to the simple, the essential? Is she prepared to be flexible? Will she allow life to go as planned? Or would she prefer to interfere? Can she let go of the need to know, and hand the reins over to the part of herself that really does know? Can she distinguish the voice of her heart in the ‘maya’ of a million conflicting voices and opinions coming from a million different spaces? – The stage is set.
I sit with my beautiful baby boy on our shaggy, worn lazy boy. He is only a few weeks old.
I am weary, a little disconnected. In spite of this I feel my be-ing fizzing from my insides, eager, elated, encouraging yet paradoxically still; presence.
I have cycled through the spectrum of thoughts and emotions that have accompanied my journey through new motherhood. Marveling with tears in my eyes as I look on at my partner with our babe in his arms, spinning out at the normality yet miraculousness of breast feeding and the female body, looking on at perfection in form. There are also moments where a rebellious and younger version of my remaining ‘maiden’ archetype quietly whispers with tears in her eyes ‘I don’t want to do this’.. Although perhaps more accurately she might mean ‘ I don’t know if I can do this’. ‘How DO I do this????’.
For many nights I have been through heavy dreams, where I die in car crashes and loss of blood. The fear constricts my throat, as I wait for the last of my life to drain out of me. A soothing voice tells me to breathe and let it happen as best as I am able… I do my best, but feel that I don’t do a very good job at ‘letting it happen’, as the soothing voice had guided me too. These death feelings linger when I wake. For days, I do my best to sit with them and let them be without turning into the grim reaper. In retrospect I remember the grief I felt during this time for the timelines that had faded and the ‘unattached’ lifestyle that I had attached to them. I know that these deaths were symbolic of a host of belief’s and limitations that died to be resurrected into forms that supported my new life as a mother.
I choose to tune into a constant subtle frequency that I cultivated during pregnancy, feminine, strong, knowing, receptive and ultimately un interfering, stepping in benevolently only when I ask for her guidance. Even then her offering is delicate, and easily ‘lost’ in the density of a potentially deafening collective noise. Like the smell of a single sweet blossoming flower overpowered by the intoxicating scent of a store brought bottle of perfume. The more I am able to distinguish her scent the easier our exchange becomes over time… It takes time to learn how to follow this ‘scent trail’, and I develop this new sensory skill quickly and with much peace.
She guides me now as I am feeding my son, feeling surreal, sitting on our feeding chair. I am getting a little impatient as I realise I have been in this position for more than half of my waking hours since he was born… It could be so easy to follow that one thought into subtle resentment, but I let the thought float on by on its merry way.
‘Breathe’ , ‘Be here- now’ my goddess voice suggests, with a silent promise felt in some forgotten recess of my mind that this suggestion is indeed the one that will bring me the peace and calm inside that I am at present just outside of. I choose to listen to the gentle voice, I acknowledge the niggles and then let go of the annoyances. The quick re-calibration makes the inward celebration an easy choice to stay with as I am filled with joy at the privilege I have been given of being guardian to this little life.
I look at my son, his frequency is very pure and similar to that of the divine feminine one I have invited and allowed into my daily happenings. He wants me to be calm too. He asks me in his own way to bring myself into a sphere where I can be conscious that we are meeting on an energetic level. He asks me this by crying and fussing in line with my rising anxiety or annoyances and relaxing with deep inhales when I am able to just be in that moment with him. I learn to love and smile at this way of communicating.
I pull him close and offer him my breast. He takes it and I close my eyes. I become my observer. I notice I am tense, I notice I hold my breath and bunch my shoulders up around my neck. I breathe and allow myself to let go enough to release my shoulders. It is enough to feel my son’s field (strongly connected into mine) and he relaxes deeper too.
Together we breathe; I am in my body and I am filled with love. I am here with him. I feel my breath giving life to my chest, warm heaves unwinding the springs that coil around my ancestral nerves. I visualise our field as one and ground us. We sit in bliss and wonder.
I have this experience with my little boy as he takes me on a journey through acceptance, I feel him the whole ‘ride’, he is very patient and kind. Words are light, a vibration, a sign post pointing the way to a feeling, a quintessence that cannot be put into words. This is my best attempt to capture an uncapturable essence, a non linear experience, formless and quantum and put it into form (words);
Accept that we are here now, there is no where else to be.
Songlines weaved through DNA, dreamtime seen in holographic ways, universe after universe…Passed from mother to mother, through fathers, acquaintances and friends, in whispers and encounters, spoken and transmitted through silence, actions and unspoken moments.
A repetition of thoughts words and deeds throughout history, over and over – the repetition culminating here, now. Part accepted, but survival and fear the shadows that allowed the very depths to never truly be explored.
A fire that represents the conscious mind is lit, and I come to know it has always been there, but hasn’t been focused on, this fire is the light of truth, the light that illuminates the unseen. The unseen wants only to be seen.
For-bearers of our lineage, lost, disappointed, trapped in the ashes of regrets of destiny and densities. The dishonor outweighs the grace of a lifetime and so this purpose is built now into my own cellular structure. It is an honour to carry it. – I accept
Grateful, elated, encouraging in their witnessing of these shadows that add to the collective push… The ancestors show themselves, smiling kindly. Warriors, medicine men, shamans, townsfolk, Indians, Maori, weavers, artists, alchemists, matrons, mothers, fathers, some failures to the modern world, but all with the wisdom of experience. I can discern easily the pieces that fit with my blueprint.
It is now that these can be dissolved, you see!?? We will show you, we are here, in our glory to always guide.
Apply this: love is acceptance. Be still, in stillness the dynamic movement will give ignition, forward propulsion. Yet in this mirror world, stillness does not mean what it means in the world of form, stillness takes action, whilst remaining still.
We travel through the matrix of stars that criss-cross the galaxies of this family constellation. All with stories that are both relevant and irrelevant at the same time.
Acceptance of what came before, acceptance of the regrets created in human form. To see is to bring awareness, is to dissolve, is to release.
Acceptance: the distillation; the key that unlocks those dormant codes, from which life flows in more directions than the intellect can comprehend.
Accept what is, love what is, even if you do not know how to like it. Surrender the drive to always know, rest here in the not knowing.
We travel generations upon generations back to a time when language was primal and houses were caves.
Through perceptions, boardrooms, bedrooms, schoolyards, forests, deserts, relationships and psyches we move or are moved and shown. The resonance of acceptance becomes infused into my cellular structure. Images from my immediate history and of the world fly by, each with an in depth insight for the message they contain in regards to this newer level of understanding.. I see easily how thoughts and feelings were sown into my temporary fabric, and in this seeing comes the undoing. I see the distinction between what is temporary and what is eternal. So much ‘information’ .. Timeless, the entry is through the heart.
Compassion for self explodes and compassion for humanity multiplies.
We are back: he is sleeping peacefully.
I come to know that every mama has access to this deep wisdom entered into from a place of self assurance. I come to know that each mama will have unlimited opportunities for her own insights into her lineage, for healing and for support. I come to know that this experience is a natural part of childbirth and motherhood. I come to know that any kind of disconnection a woman experiences through her journey that creates a disconnect between her and her body or her and her baby will have an affect on her ability to access this wisdom. Therefore not trusting herself, creating anxiety and possibly sickness.
I urge you to know yourself and know your birth choices to the best you are able. Mama, be ready to investigate your fears. Keep reminding yourself to be present, keep practicing. If you need it, seek continuity of care from a midwife who ideally loves you, decide what kind of pregnancy you want, decide what kind of parent you want to be and trust that path will present itself with innovative answers. Know that empowered birthing is a state of mind.
The mystical is born from the ordinary, the extra- ordinary moments that explode through the seemingly ‘mundane’, only through presence (Acceptance of what is, being here – now).
I come to know that facilitating women to reconnect to this very real, but somewhat intangible essence is a quality that will be reflected in the work I do. I come to know that empowering women and mamas will change the world quicker than most think possible. I come to a place where I ask ‘HOW?’… ‘How will I be able to do this’. The response: “You will not, (I laugh at this).. you will let it unfold through you”
So re-read what I have just written and decide to follow my own advice.
And so here I am am.. handing over the reigns, trusting, loving, be-ing all that I am.
Thankyou for reading sweet mama… I believe in YOU!
IMAGE CREDIT: Ingrid Pullen Photography: