How becoming a mama is healing my inner child & 5 tips for entering innocence.
When I was small I used to look up at adults, in particular, my parents, and think they had all the answers, that life was ‘sorted’ when you were that big. Now that my life has come full circle and I am one of those ‘big people’, it fascinates and engages me and my psyche no end to note that this couldn’t be further from the truth! And in this truth, lays so much joy, potential and beauty.
I watch children now with way more awareness of where our patterns and behaviors come from and how neurological pathways are formed through repetitive unconscious and conscious thoughts, words and deeds. I understand and see clearly how we can create ‘learned helplessness’ in our children, how we can project our fears, insecurities, hurts, impatience, reactions and general subconsciousness into their worlds. And while this is not all that we project, obviously, its interesting to note that for the general population up to 95% of our behaviors are indeed unconscious. And that’s not to say that we don’t give our babies as much love as we think we are able, or perhaps even that we are indeed able in every given moment, I am speaking here to the ‘unseen’, the undercurrents, the deep unconscious behaviors, the ‘shadow’. We can follow parenting books and podcasts to a tee, and these resources can be excellent, BUT generally they do not address this shadow.
In particular lately I have been observing adults and the way we can behave towards each other, especially in our closest relationships, or when we encounter a situation that makes us uncomfortable, uneasy, stressed, anxious, or generally ‘against a wall’, and do you know what I see? I see and witness grown adults (myself included) turn into a 1 year old, 2 year old, 8 year old, 3 year old (take your pick) version of themselves. A child psyche projection stuck in the time-frame of when their hurt/confusion/wounding was caused.
I was watching children play and the dynamics and politics they engage in between themselves, and although they may have been establishing the pecking order of handball, the story is the same over and over again as we move through the various stages of our lives, until we land in our lives as ‘big people’, with big people challenges and a little person still scared and vulnerable within. The drama’s, relationships, fears & stories play and replay over and over until that little 1 year old, 3 year old, 19 year old version of ourselves gets addressed, and by addressed, I mean given attention, and by attention, I mean acceptance, and by acceptance, I mean love.
Its a funny picture really, when I started my contemplation of this, I started seeing the whole world stuck in a childish version of themselves, and not all the time, just when a the chemical, environmental, emotional, mental stage is ‘just right’ to trigger a wound not yet healed. In further contemplation of this, in a tip off from a dear old friend, I started thinking of the wounded child, as our subconscious!…. Let that one simmer for a while… It may open some very expansive doors if you allow it.
From this version of reality, I found it so much easier to feel compassion for myself and those around me, and I began to forgive and let go of painful little memories. They just kept popping up, offerings from my subconscious; obscure little exchanges that happened during my lifetime, examples of how I had managed to form limiting beliefs. And although it was about what happened in those exchanges, it was more about how I reacted emotionally to them, and consequently formed ideas that turned into beliefs that were simply limiting and not true (in the big scheme of things) … I find after spending time with my 6 month old and getting into bed, is the perfect opportunity to slow down and allow these revelations to surface.
What an opportunity we have when we become parents to heal these children of ours! I feel like my baby is liquid gold for my psyche, my ability to just move forward, my emotional state, and an opportunity for complete upgrade and paradigm shift. To witness my behavior as he is ‘programmed’ and to then give me a fresh perspective to be able to observe the exchanges between me and my partner.
Its so easy to see how these patterns repeat themselves when they remain unseen. Is it odd that this makes me excited!!?? I see genetic patterns as repetitive thoughts and emotions, so in observation of these, we can potentially harness gradually a little more every day of the power of our subconscious and make it conscious, through parenting.
Now my feeling about this, is that it only works when one is conscious of it happening… and that is ALL you have to do, remain present to how your are feeling, remain present to your reactions, to the interplay, to your expressions. Consciousness is the awareness that your subconscious (non awareness) needs.. like shining a light into the darkness, and illuminating what is in there, without allowing that emotional turbulence to become you. And I am not talking here about ignoring it.. no, I mean to feel it, feel all of it, allow it all the way in, your pain, your partners pain, the pain of your family, OPEN YOUR HEART to it! Once again, do not resign yourself over to it, let it be there, “I see you, but I don’t believe in you!”
Fact is, we will never ‘nail’ it as parents… we are human, but we are divine. So cast aside any notions of ‘perfection’ and keep on moving forward!
5 Quick & Simple Tips to Encourage your inner child to come out and play!
- Live a day in the energy of not know, live in wonder of everything. Remember there are no ordinary moments, we just choose to make them so.
- Live in each moment as if it is the fist time with someone and the last time you will see them. This really captures the essence of living in the now, of moving forward and not holding onto things that are in the past, or projecting / manipulating for a future outcome.
- BREATHE – when you notice constriction moving through your body. Take three long and slow breaths to bring you back to the moment.
- Find the humour – It’s always there. The universe has a great sense of humour, and the easier it is for you to find it, the less sticky your days will become.
- Accept your reality as your own – Blame and complaining oppose personal freedom, and in fact ensure that you keep yourself at a lower frequency bandwidth, they are the quickest and easiest ways to give your power away and therefore bring that serious ‘adult’ vibe into your mood… Acceptance will eventually free you of the limitations your mind has created and allow you into your heart – the living space of your inner child!
It’s a process, that’s for sure, but one that can be entered into with the joy, wonder and innocence of your sweet, childlike heart!!
ENJOY your play!